"Dude, where's your manners?"A few minutes ago, I thought I'd nip out to water the plants on my porch and enjoy the pleasant breeze and late day sun. Just as I picked up the watering can I heard the unmistakable sound of nail clippers in action. Clip, clip, CLIP! I glanced over two houses down to confirm my horror. Yes, one of the dudes who lives there was sitting out on the porch happily cutting his fingernails completely oblivious to social norms and me - his nice neighbour who takes care of personal hygiene in the bathroom like regular folk. With a nauseous feeling stirring in my stomach, I put down the watering can and ran over to the garden hose. I ran down the driveway and with the water turned up to Olympic levels and began soaking the tomato plants in the backyard.
After a good five minutes, I returned to the front of the house only to see and hear the porch troll cutting his toenails - this time in the company of his roommate who wasn't about to let his friend's grooming get in the way of their conversation.
I believe that anyone caught clipping in public should be sent away to Plum Island and forced to read everything written by Miss Manners. Entry back into civilization will only be granted when the offending person writes a 2,000 word essay on the importance of grooming in private spaces. They must also pass a test on the subject and promise to never cut finger or toenails ever again in public.
I feel better now.